Getting in Your Feelings (Season 7, Episode 7)

“What makes me feel something?” This question from Andy J. Miller in Lisa Congdon’s book Find Your Artistic Voice sent me on a journey recently.

Being and remaining open to my feelings has always been a challenge for me. So in this episode I’m opening up about what has helped me feel more and how essential yoga has been on that journey. I also share about the specific practice I do to support me in this and how it could support you, too.

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Transcript

[00:00:04] Welcome to Love Curvy Yoga, the podcast where we believe in an intersectional lens, that nobody is free until all bodies are free, and that the change we need is structural. Now let’s get into it.

[00:00:18] [MUSIC]

[00:00:20] Hi. How are you? I have been a little bit up and down lately if I’m being honest, and I thought I would share that. At first I was like, nobody needs to know this, but then I decided to share it because it is a normal part of life that I think people should talk more about. So I used to analyze and diagnose myself on Web M.D. or just Google in general, always a great idea — just kidding, that’s a terrible idea. And I used to do that anytime I felt what I perceived as a negative feeling. And what I have learned instead over time is that through my own experience, therapy, talking with other people, etc. is that, spoiler alert, no one feels the same exactly every single day. So it’s just not how being a human works. And that’s something that I feel like I didn’t know or didn’t realize, didn’t really see modeled around me, and it’s something that I think can be really powerful.

[00:01:34] So what I try to do now when I’m feeling down, quote unquote, I’m putting it in quotes because I don’t know that it’s quite so black and white as that. But I think that that is useful in terms of its language that we generally use. So what I do is I bring the Curvy Yoga Practice process to it. So I didn’t just make up this process for my book. It’s really something that I live and then share from that space.

[00:02:05] So the first part is Presence. So for me, that’s just acknowledging what’s happening and letting myself start to feel it. So this is almost never, I would just say never, something that happens instantaneously. But it’s something where I’ve been feeling something for a little while then maybe it starts to come more into my awareness and I can begin to bring presence to it.

[00:02:30] The next part is Getting Curious. So this is where I might ask myself something like what’s going on behind this feeling? Where’s this coming from? How long have I been noticing it? I’m just really bringing some inquiry to it. And there may or may not be answers either at all or that I currently have access to. But I find that when I engage in that curiosity process, oftentimes there is something else for me to notice or learn.

[00:03:03] The third component of this process is Challenge. And by that I mean challenging just any. B.S. beliefs that I have. In this case about, usually my B.S. belief in this case is something like that I should be feeling differently, that my feelings aren’t justified, that I should just get over it. All kinds of things in that delightful line of thinking.

[00:03:31] And then the last is Afirm and this is where I’m reminding myself of what I was just sharing with you, which is I am a human person who experiences different emotions. That is normal and natural and to be expected when you are living a human life. And it’s a sign of aliveness, not a problem. Now, as I say that, usual disclaimers about checking with mental health and medical professionals if you feel that what you are feeling is outside the range of your normal or something that you feel needs some attention. So experiencing different emotions is, I think, pretty normal for everybody. But if yours are causing you issues or concerns, that’s where it’s good to seek help. As you probably know as a listener to this podcast, if this is your first time listening, hi, that is what I did with my anxiety and many other issues and I am really glad that I did. So we are going to explore this idea of feelings and aliveness and practice and how they can kind of all thread together more in our main segment coming up in just a moment.

[00:04:49] [MUSIC]

[00:04:53] One of the reasons why I continue to practice yoga, maybe especially when I don’t feel like it, is because it’s one of the places that I can most reliably connect with how I’m feeling. I have mentioned here before that this is something that’s really challenging for me. And the other place that I can reliably feel is in therapy, which is another reason why I keep doing that practice as well. And I’ve realized lately that I really do think of that as a practice. I mean, I doubt you’re surprised by that, because what don’t I think of as a practice, but still, that was a helpful insight for me. So I think a question arises around what does yoga have to do with any of this and how does yoga help us to feel more? And this is not something that is an overnight process. And if you’re already someone who feels quite a lot, you might be thinking, I don’t need to listen this this isn’t relevant to me. And I’ll just say that for those who already have more access to their feelings, I think what happens is that yoga helps you to be in a different or deeper or more nuanced relationship with them. And that what I’m going to be talking about is relevant to kind of both sides of that spectrum. Really, it’s like a full range of experiences, not just one side or another.

[00:06:23] So when you’re on your yoga mat, either your teacher or yourself or I think both over time, are asking you to notice. So the teacher might say things like: what happens when you put your foot here? What’s it like if you add a block there? Are you holding your breath? How can you be 10 percent more comfortable? You know, there’s a lot of different questions and you probably have some examples from your own practice experience. And what this inquiry process starts to unfold over time is more skill in doing it of course, on the yoga mat, but then also in every part of your life. It is something that is pretty seamless and that honestly you usually, I think don’t notice is even happening until you have an opportunity of contrast where you do something differently you think, you respond, you feel, you notice then you might have in the past.

[00:07:27] I was having a conversation recently with one of our Studio members who shared that she’d been a member for about a year and she joined shortly after the death of a family member and she tried for a couple of times and she just dismissed it like this is not for me. But she kept her membership and she said she felt like she knew somewhere back in the back of her mind and heart that it was something that could be supportive for her. So a year later, she told me she is now waking up every morning looking forward to her practice because she’s learning to listen to her body and feelings for the first time. And she said that that’s something that she’s long told her birth clients, listen to your body, but that it’s something that she hadn’t experienced for herself. So how does this happen? This connection of being able to listen to your body and that means listening to sensation, to feeling, to what’s coming up physically, emotionally, mentally. And, unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I don’t know. There’s no formula, and I can’t give you a timeline. All I can say is that unexpected things unfold when you create intentional time to connect with yourself both on and off the mat.

[00:08:55] Now, what does all of this have to do with aliveness, which is the theme we’re exploring this month in the studio? Well, I have shared here before that being in touch with my own feelings is challenging, like I said earlier. And it’s something that I really have to consciously and actively work on. On, I mean, a daily basis — an hourly basis, really. And what I have found is that when I am not doing that, which is very easy for me not to do, it’s really my default. I feel more on the surface of my life, more going through the motions. And there’s nothing wrong with that inherently. We all go through the motions much of the time, that’s how we are able to make it through our lives. Some things out to be on autopilot, like how you make your breakfast or, you know, whatever. And I don’t really think that anyone can or should or whatever be present to every single moment of their lives. But I notice that when that kind of surface level disconnection is how I’m operating the vast majority of the time, how I’m moving through most moments of most days, then I start to feel numb and distant from myself.

[00:10:20] So some of the things that helped me are those really good questions that just kind of pop up an answer for you automatically. So one of those questions that came across recently is “what makes me feel something?” And I heard this question from Andy J. Miller in a book I was reading by Lisa Condon called “Finding Your Artistic Voice.” And when I ran across this question, “”what makes me feel something? I just thought so many things at once! I thought nothing, I thought everything, and then I thought, let me just try to get into the specifics. And taking my time on the yoga mat as an example, when I brought that question to my practice the next day, I noticed that my response was when I am really paying attention to what I’m doing, when I’m not thinking, oh, is Hazel about to start crying? Do I have time? Should I be doing something else? That when I can just feel my feet on the mat or take a moment to feel my breath, that helps me begin to feel. And it does sort of feel like I hate to use this overused metaphor, but peeling an onion where it sort of starts with that physical sensation and then starts to move down and in into well, then what’s going on with my breath and oh now what am I noticing in my mind? And what about my feelings? And what is my intuition saying to me?

[00:12:01] And we’ve talked about this idea of the koshas here on the podcast in the past, maybe not in a while. And this is a yogic concept and koshas means sheaths or layers. And it’s this idea of the body having various layers. So we start on the outer layer, the physical body, and work in through the pranamayakosha, which is energy that we sort of access most easily through the breath, moving into mind, moving into subtle body, moving into bliss body. So this like sense of oneness is kind of how I think about that bliss body.

[00:12:44] And so another question that comes up for me around this is one that I read in another book recently, Pema Chodron’s new book, “Welcoming the Unwelcome,” and the question that she asks is “what awakens my heart and what blocks that from happening?” And the first part of the question alone is already very good. What awakens my heart? But it’s that second part, what blocks it from happening, that was really like the loving punch in the gut when I read it. Because I just thought, man, there’s so much, and a lot of it is kind of in this autopilot kind of place. And so when I can come from that integration of my being that we are just talking about with the koshas, peeling that onion back, getting more and more internal, then I am able to start to notice some patterns of what awakens my heart and what blocks that from happening. And again, being able to do that on the yoga mat is a great opportunity to practice, really, not just because yoga is powerful in and of itself, which obviously I believe, but I like it for this kind of thing because it is a concrete experience. You are on your mat. You’re doing your practice. You’re moving your body. It’s a time that you can consciously choose to turn in a little bit more. And that’s not to say that you can’t do that in any other part of your life. Of course you can. And that is also a wonderful practice of bringing that to washing the dishes or walking the dog or whatever the case. But a lot of times we’re not bringing that level of awareness into our kind of everyday mundane tasks. So the yoga mat can be this specific place to practice.

[00:14:40] I find that when I pose questions like this to myself on the mat or in my journal or even just doing something like you are right now listening to a podcast, which is something that I do frequently, responses will arise. It’s really about making space for them. So I usually find that these responses, and I’m intentionally using the word responses here instead of answers, because I think it’s rarely an answer that I find these responses are, they’re right there. They’re waiting for me. They’re pretty close to the surface. I do not need to bring a pickax and a helmet with a flashlight. I just have to have the willingness to begin the conversation with myself, and then there it is.

[00:15:28] I was recently listening to a Tara Brach podcast. And during it, she shared something from the Prayer of the Bodhisattvas and it was this phrase: “May whatever arises serve the awakening of compassion and wisdom.” Oh, so good, right? I found this both powerful and helpful because I think sometimes I’m scared of what my feelings will bring. So rather than facing them, I avoid them. And I mean, how adorably human of me. But in this context, it feels like inviting a relationship with my feelings, both because that’s meaningful in and of itself and in service of who I am growing into over time.

[00:16:19] I wanted to close this conversation with something that I read recently in writer Courtney Martin’s newsletter. So she shared this really sweet story about how it snowed over the holidays where she was. And her two young daughters were really excited about this. And they just ran around the house checking out every window and delighting with such surprise that they could see snow out of this window. And oh, my gosh, you can still see it out that window! And whoa I went in the other room and did you know, you could still see the snow here, too? I love this story because it’s easy to forget in our adult minds and lives knowing as we do that, yes, you can see snow out every window when it snows, how simple and delightful and alive experiences like this can be when we let ourselves feel them. And in the newsletter. Courtney shared this little quote: so she said, “That’s my new year wish for you, ot the extraordinary, but the exuberant. Check all the windows, taste all the bites, feel all the hugs. When you can slow down, do it. This is life all around you already happening, waiting to be noticed and squealed about. It can be terrible, but it can be wonderful, too. Don’t get so effective that you forget to notice.”

[00:17:47] How good is that? I feel like I need to tattoo the phrase “don’t get so effective that you forget to notice” on my forehead because we really get into effective mode very easily. And again, that in and of itself is not wrong. But letting yourself be present to feeling whether or not it’s in the context of effectiveness is something that I think can really serve our aliveness, our practice and our lives. Overall.

[00:18:20] Up next, a few reminders. [MUSIC]

[00:18:31] OK, reminders, so Studio members who are listening: you have a new video practice every single week this year. I know! So the one that came out this past Sunday was called Experiments in Aliveness, and it’s a 45 minute accessible flow. It’s a great companion to today’s episode. So the one that’s coming out this coming Sunday, again, if you’re listening in real time, is called Rest and Digest. And it’s also extremely relevant to what we are talking about. So go check that out. The easiest way to find it is in the Fresh and New category, which is right up top there. And this Rest and Digest practice is all about taking time for you so that you can digest your experience, your emotions, whatever it is that you’re needing to process and integrate. So if you are not yet a member of Curvy Yoga Studio, what are you waiting for? You can join us at curvyyoga.studio/join and I will link that in the show notes.

[00:19:39] If you have any questions about today’s episode or anything Curvy Yoga related: comments, feedback, ideas for future episodes. I love getting ideas! I would love to hear any and all of that so you can e-mail me at podcast@curvyyoga.com, text me at 6 1 5 – 8 5 2 – 8 7 8 9 or tag me or DM me on Instagram. I’m there a@CurvyYoga.

[00:20:08] OK. Let’s take one breath together to close. We’ll inhale. And exhale. The light in me honors the light in you. Namaste.

[00:20:21] [MUSIC]

[00:20:26] Stay tuned next week where I will be introducing you to our theme for February. I’m excited about this one and cannot wait to share.